Jake Lorenzo

Jake Lorenzo is pretty sure that my ongoing love affair with wine is likely Pavlovian in nature. Ivan Pavlov was a Russian physiologist in the early 1900s who observed a type of learning where an animal (or human) learned to associate unrelated things to each other. Pavlov famously demonstrated that his dogs began to salivate at the sound of a bell linked to feeding time. Pavlov’s experiments with dogs led to a groundbreaking discovery in psychology known as classical conditioning. Classical conditioning explains how behaviors can be learned through association.

We don’t ring a bell at Jake Lorenzo’s house, nor do we own a dog, but the pop of a cork designates that work is over, a meal is on the way, and we are soon to be involved in some sort of pleasant social interaction. A bottle of wine on the table gives this detective confidence that the food will be delicious, the conversation entertaining, and that people are less likely to be checking their phones. Jake Lorenzo has this reaction to wine because I have been experiencing it for decades, without fail every time I hear that cork pop. Hell, I’m even picking it up when I hear someone twist a screw cap.

Not only that, but a wine bottle sitting on a table can make friends. Many years ago, this detective found himself in a dive Mexican restaurant that specialized in offal tacos. I sat down and gave my order to the waitress when I noticed the guy at the table next to me sipping from a bottle of Chalone Pinot Noir. “Good choice,” I said, “How’s it go with the tacos?”

“Grab a glass and I’ll let you find out,” the gentleman responded. That was my first meeting with Chuy Palacios. Over tacos de lengua, labios, and sesos, we shared a stunning bottle of wine and began a friendship that has lasted more than 50 years.

Classical conditioning is an automatic, learned response to something that normally wouldn’t trigger that response. You hear a notification sound on your phone and immediately feel a rush of anticipation, even before you see the message. That’s a Pavlovian response. The term has become shorthand for any situation where we’ve been trained, often without realizing it, to react a certain way.

Pavlov would be ringing bells in his grave to no avail if he knew what his discovery has been turned into. Most classical conditioning is now very sophisticated and focused on getting you to purchase things. Click on an advertisement for any item and you will be inundated with dozens of prompts from vendors selling related items. Shopping for a bottle of wine online is like unleashing a direct line for wine shops to bombard you with offers about anything in a bottle.

Rooted in the principle of classical conditioning, another kind of response is aversion conditioning, which has sprouted a whole technique known as aversion therapy. Instead of experiencing pleasure from an unrecognized action, the brain forms a negative association with a stimulus. A behavior that was previously rewarding turns negative and painful. That discomfort causes you to stop doing what used to give you pleasure and try something else.

As far as Jake Lorenzo is concerned, restaurant wine pricing has turned into aversion therapy. This detective used to love going to a restaurant, perusing the wine list, and finding some treasure that fit my budget, but restaurants have stolen that pleasure from me. Looking at wine list prices has become so painful that now I just bring a bottle of wine, pay the corkage, and don’t even glance at the list.

Back in the day when Jake Lorenzo got into the wine business, it was a joyful, passionate ride. Just a handful of wineries and a small cadre of cellar rats working our butts off making wine. We didn’t know what we were doing, but we learned. We saw our wines improve year after year, and that gave us confidence. We took pride in working hard to produce a product that people enjoyed and made part of their lives. It was classical conditioning reaffirming our life’s choices in the best of ways.

We didn’t just make wine; we made wine a major part of our lives. We discovered that sparkling wine poured for guests when they entered our home, signaled the start of a great evening. Dry gewürztraminer perfectly set off any seafood starter. Pinot noir with an entrée enhanced every meal. Cabernet sauvignon went so well with aged cheeses. Wine makes food taste better and food brings out the best qualities in fine wine. It is one of life’s ultimate symbiotic relationships. It’s as if Pavlov was a chef and his cooking changed our behavior at the dinner table.

It saddens this detective that a whole generation of young people have seemingly renounced the pleasures afforded them by wine. They have no idea what they are missing. The ever changing literature on wine and health keeps changing, but this detective is positive that wine is an effective social lubricant, one that reduces stress, and increases inquisitiveness.

For Jakelyn’s mother and me, wine has played a significant role in our lives. We have found every aspect of wine inspiring; from the dedication and perseverance of grape farmers to the commitment and playfulness of cellar rats, to the precision and talent of barrel makers and even the enthusiastic ramblings of wine salespeople. Our travels often focus on wine. We have enjoyed wine with our meals in dozens of countries around the world. Together, wine and food give an insight into a people, their culture and history that we might not get otherwise.

We were introduced to most of our friends at a table with bottles of wine and tasty food present. Chuy Palacios went from a stranger in a taco joint drinking Chalone Pinot Noir to my best friend. I respect Dr. Iggy Calamari, not just because he is a world class scientist, but as the man who actually uses wine to save people’s lives with his wine powered pacemaker. The hundreds of friends, guests and tourists who have shown up on our porch or at our table for a meal have always enjoyed the wine served with the food almost as much as Jakelyn’s mother and I took pleasure in hosting them.

Ivan Pavlov would love a three-hour lunch on Jake Lorenzo’s porch. There would be no bells, but the popping of wine corks should start him salivating. Classical conditioning at its finest, and it would make for a memorable afternoon.

by Jake Lorenzo

Back in the day, when Jake Lorenzo was a working professional winemaker, I would get to the winery before sunrise during harvest. I’d unlock the front door, take a few deep breaths, then fling the door open and sprint through the winery to unlock and open the gigantic sliding barndoor in the back. Once outside, I’d fill my lungs with cool morning air, congratulating myself on not suffocating in all the carbon dioxide that collected overnight from the fermenting tanks.

Every now and then, at some point in the breathing, sprinting, and recovering, a fruit fly would get caught in my throat. This detective’s writing cannot do justice to how terrible a feeling that is, but every winemaker and cellar rat knows exactly what I am talking about. That distressing scratchy tickle of the fruit fly desperately trying to escape while you choke and cough and swallow is a discomfort never forgotten.

Because Jake Lorenzo is not just a detective, but also a winemaker, I know quite a bit about Drosophila melanogaster. Fruit flies eat food that is decaying. They live in trash bins, compost piles, and any place overripe or rotting fruit is available. Fermenting wine is especially attractive to fruit flies. A female fruit fly can lay up to 500 eggs in a single batch, and those eggs can move through their growth cycles to adulthood in as few as eight days. Then you have 500 fruit flies, with each female capable of laying 500 eggs per batch, so a small number of fruit flies can explode into an overwhelming infestation seemingly overnight. Rotting fruit is loaded with germs, which flies pick up on their bodies and transfer wherever they land. That’s why this detective hates fruit flies, especially when they land in my glass of fine wine, rippling the surface while flailing away like drowning synchronized swimmers.

I bring this up because last night this detective had an open bottle of 2023 Shiraz from Ministry of Clouds Winery standing on my butcher block kitchen island. The neck of that bottle was covered with a dozen fruit flies. This is inside Jake Lorenzo’s house . . . in December. I’ve had fruit fly issues during harvest, but in all the years we’ve lived in Sonoma, we’ve never had swarms of fruit flies inside our house, certainly not in December. When I dragged Jakelyn’s mother into the kitchen to witness this infestation, she calmly proposed, “I wonder if it has anything to do with all the unpicked grapes left on the vines.”

There it was: a plausible explanation. The fruit fly invasion could simply be an unintended consequence of the plummeting prospects of the wine industry. Wine prices were too high, baby boomers were dying off, young people were sucking down kombucha cocktails instead of wine, whatever the purported causes, wine sales had tanked. Wineries decided to make less wine, at least, until their over-stuffed inventories came more into line with actual demand. If wineries make less wine, they buy fewer grapes. Grape growers lose buyers, they have no place for their grapes, so the fruit hangs forlornly on unpicked vines rotting in the open, inviting fruit flies to have a field day.

Unintended consequences and fruit flies are the least of our problems. If growers aren’t selling their grapes, then wineries are making less wine. That means equipment suppliers are suffering as well, because wineries making less wine don’t need new tanks, or barrels, or as many corks, capsules, and bottles. It could be the wrong time to build that new warehouse, upgrade the computer system or invest in that self-operating tractor.

The wine industry is suffering, and the unintended consequences of a laboring wine economy have caused Wine Business Monthly to notify this detective that no matter how revealing, humorous, and popular they might be, this will be the last Jake Lorenzo column published by Wine Business Monthly.

For 21 years, they have encouraged Jake Lorenzo to tell his tales of life in the Wine Country. They allowed me to introduce Jakelyn’s mother, Chuy Palacios, Dr. Iggy Calamari and dozens of my other friends and acquaintances. It has been this detective’s mission to continuously remind people that a key component of the wine industry is the joy of doing the work and making the product. If you aren’t having fun making wine and sharing that joy with friends, then what’s the point?

I would like to thank everyone at the magazine for allowing me to say what I had to say and letting me do it the way I chose. They never edited my tales or tried to temper my sometimes outlandish views. This detective knows Jake Lorenzo has loads of fans, because you come up and tell me how much you appreciate my friends and my sense of humor. I thank you for your encouragement and support. These years of writing have allowed me to publish six books simply by sharing tales about our friends, table, and cellar. It’s been a great run. Jakelyn’s mom and I are thankful to have lived it.

Jake Lorenzo is not disappearing, but I am taking a bit of time off to recharge my batteries, restock the wine cellar, and decide upon my next move. I am leaning towards a blog, so I can keep writing. I think I’ll charge one bottle of wine a year for access. If shipping proves too expensive, you can deliver your bottle to me in person. Maybe we’ll sit on the porch and drink it with some food. There is no telling who might drop by. Whatever you do, do not use Jake Lorenzo as a dumping ground to normalize your ballooning wine inventories. My neighbors will not be happy if trucks full of wine pull up to my door, so don’t bring more than you can carry.

So, if you want to keep up with Jake Lorenzo and my friends, send your email address to me at jake@winepatrol.com. I promise no ads or hassles, just notices about when I post new stuff.

You might enjoy checking our website, winepatrol.com as well.